that old saying that reads if at first you don’t succeed then try again but i don’t get it. why would i want to try harder when i always end up loosing in the end. i’ve never finished first and i’ve argued with our Father eight million times and i’ve come to the conclusion the only ones who truly love me are my own demons. they say they care ten times to one only because i’m the first to volunteer the information and the only reason i do it is because i don’t want to be alone. i will be the first to admit that i am my own worst critic and the only person i hate more than me is being by my self. pretending is everything. nothing is real and i am my own worst enemy.

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